


Buy Extra Salt

by RiddleRose



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, I don't care what you think it's the best ship name after Stark Spangled Banner, Jammy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-29 18:18:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiddleRose/pseuds/RiddleRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jess catalogues Sam's weird habits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buy Extra Salt

Jess knows there are things Sam doesn’t tell her. He has nightmares that he doesn’t remember in the morning, but sometimes he cries in his sleep, and sometimes he mumbles his brother’s name as if pleading for something. Sometimes she wakes in the night to see him sitting up staring at the ceiling in terror. She helps him lie down again, and he never remembers it the next day, so she never finds out what he’s looking at.

Sam doesn’t talk about his family much. She knows his mom died when he was a baby. He says it was a house fire. She’s careful when she lights candles – puts them in saucers and candlesticks, keeps them away from curtains. He never seems worried though. She supposes he was too young to be truly traumatized by it. 

Jess has never met Dean, but she loves him fiercely through Sam. She knows enough about his silences to figure out that after their mother died Dean took care of him. Sam mentions him in passing sometimes. He fixes the sink and mentions how, “My brother taught me how to do that when I was six.” He tosses back a shot, winces, and grins at Jess, “Dean would say my form was sloppy. Wincing is a sign of weakness.” At the mechanic’s when Jess’ car won’t start he knows when the guy is overcharging, because Dean taught him how to fix the basics when he was fifteen.

Sometimes Sam won’t say anything at all, but she knows he’s thinking about Dean. One day they go test driving cars at a dealership, just for fun, and the salesman asks if they want to drive one of the old classics. They’ve dressed up as a newlywed couple of ample means, so it’s not an unreasonable question. Sam’s mouth pinches in and his eyebrows do a thing that means Dean, but not the good kind of memory. Jess smiles her most winning smile, takes his arm, and says they’re looking for something a little more eco-friendly, and can they try a Prius?

Later Sam tells her she’s amazing and makes her dinner. He doesn’t tell her why looking at an old Chevy Impala made him angry.

Sam never talks about his father, but Jess can guess. She thinks that after his mother died (she finds out by accident that her name was Mary) he went a little crazy. She thinks he was probably abusive. Sam tenses up at sudden noises, is careful to lock doors, has little rituals he does that make him feel safe, like sprinkling salt on the windowsills. Jess has taken a few psychology classes, and she knows the signs of an unhappy childhood. She thinks Dean probably told him when he was little that salt would keep him safe, and he never was able to kick the habit.

Jess thinks that Dean raised Sam more like a parent than an older brother, and protected him to the best of his ability. Sam is very strong, but he is mouse-gentle with her, careful never to bump her, or make her feel threatened. When he gets angry he goes for a run rather than let her see it. She thinks he is afraid to be his father. She thinks he learned that extra care from Dean. He says he never wants children.

She knows he wants to marry her, and she loves him, but she’s not sure it’s a good idea. He keeps so many secrets. She knows he ran away from home to go to college, but she doesn’t know what he ran from. She doesn’t know where he went to high school, or what Dean does for a living. She doesn’t know why he refuses to take martial arts classes with her when she decides she needs a new fitness routine. One day he walks in on her practicing a punch and absently corrects her form. He’s so good at misdirection, at seeming to answer a question without offering any information. It will make him a great lawyer, but she wonders where he learned it.

Sam does well at college. He is very smart, and his work ethic is incredible. He is driven. He stands up for the quiet kids who get picked on, he plays devil’s advocate in class and argues brilliantly, he is every professor’s favourite. He has no friends from his old life, and few in this one. He likes Jess’ friends, and he has a few guys he says hello to at the local bar they go to. They talk about sports mostly, though Jess knows Sam isn’t that interested. He’s friendly with the people in his classes, but she only ever sees him talking to one or two people outside of class, and it’s nearly always about some project, or an interesting case they read. She wonders if he has ever had friends.

Sometimes Jess thinks she doesn’t know anything about this quiet, raging man she has fallen in love with. But she knows how to calm the nightmares he doesn’t remember, and coax gasps from his mouth, and she knows to buy extra salt every moth so he can protect their bedroom. She knows he hates bad police procedurals and quiz shows, and she knows that he doesn’t drink much but can knock back a shot like it’s nothing. She knows that he doesn’t care about his possessions really, but he likes it when she makes the apartment look pretty. He eats a lot of salad, but sometimes splurges on a burger and fries. She knows he likes playing darts at the bar, and once he won her a teddy bear at the carnival just to see her smile. She doesn’t mention how he didn’t miss a single shot.

He likes her long hair, and he likes it when she wears flowing white dresses (her collection of dresses grew quite a lot after they’d been dating for a few months). She drops the martial arts classes after a few months because she doesn’t like it much, and he seems relieved. Sam’s not a great cook, but he’s an appreciative eater, and he always does the dishes. He goes to the gym three times a week. 

He likes giving her ridiculous pet names. He doesn’t say “I love you” very often but Jess can read it in the big hand on her waist when she’s stressed about a paper, and the way he reaches for her after she’s brushed her teeth and twisted her hair into a messy braid for the night. She can feel it when he meticulously reviews a recipe and cooks her a new dish when she successfully presents her thesis. He confesses afterward (after dinner, after he unzips her white dress, after he whispers that she’s brilliant, amazing, wonderful, so beautiful) that he was so nervous he’d do it wrong that he called her friend Sarah to make sure he wasn’t ruining everything. She laughs and kisses him and tells him it was delicious.

Then one night Dean shows up with no warning and Jess realizes that she knows almost nothing about Sam after all. There’s an undercurrent of resentment and fury simmering in the words they exchange like barbed wire. They speak in a code Jess can’t understand. There are at least two conversations happening in the room, and neither of them involve her. She leaves when Sam asks her to, and knows that everything is going to change now. Dean is scruffy and a little rude and sort of charming, and Sam leaves with him after only a token protest. Jess waits for him to come back, and wonders if he ever will.

**Author's Note:**

> For @jenesaispourquoi (mutuisanimis) again. I own nothing but my appreciation of Sam's abs.


End file.
